Billy Masters: Valentine’s Day approaches...
"Having sleepovers with little boys...and you’re a 40-year-old man? Uh, NO. You’re like a child molester." - Kurt Loder shares his thoughts on Michael Jackson’s legacy. I, for one, am shocked. Who knew Kurt Loder was still working?
When I walked into the Beverly Hilton for the Golden Globes, a strange man stopped me on the red carpet and handed me his business card, saying that I should call him. He could help me. I shoved it in my pocket and forgot about it. When I took my tux to the cleaner, I found a card for "Instant Burn Recovery," specialists in plastic surgery for burn victims. Did I look THAT bad? This reminded me of the first time I met Gloria Allred. We were seated together at a party. After a few of my anecdotes, she handed me her card saying, "You should always have this on you -- something tells me you’ll need it."
Speaking of the Golden Globes, the Madonna/Elton John/David Furnish feud hit new highs (or lows, depending on your perspective). The latest kafuffle was about who would win Best Song in a Motion Picture -- Elton for Gnomeo & Juliet or Madonna for W.E. It was Elton who fired the first shot on the red carpet when he told Carson Daly, "She doesn’t have a fucking chance of winning tonight." This led to Madonna’s retort, "May the best man win." Of course, it was Madge’s night. Furnish immediately took to Facebook and wrote "Madonna? Best song??? F**k off!!!" He later implied that perhaps the Hollywood Foreign Press gave Madonna the award in return for her being a presenter. What? These aren’t merit-based awards? I refuse to believe it!
When asked about Elton at the press conference, Madonna said, "I hope he speaks to me for the next couple of years. He’s been known to get mad at me so I don’t know. He’s brilliant and I adore him. So he’ll win another award. I don’t feel bad." This led to headlines all over the world: "Madonna Sniffs, ’I Don’t Feel Bad’" said one. Another said, "Elton & Hubby Trash Madge." One headline proclaimed "Uranus Takes a Pounding" which, as it turns out, had nothing to do with either Madonna or Elton...or David, for that matter. Then Furnish (begrudgingly, I’m sure) apologized: "Wow! What a tempest in a teapot. My comments regarding the Golden Globes have been blown way out of proportion. My passion for our film Gnomeo & Juliet and belief in Elton’s song really got my emotional juices going. But I must say for the record that I do believe Madonna is a great artist, and that Elton and I wish her all the best for next week’s premiere of the film W.E." Not as poetic as "F*ck off!", but just as sincere.
Another battling duo is hitting the airwaves in what promises to be a riveting encounter. If you’re old enough to remember when "Three’s Company" was considered risqué TV and appeared on one of the three networks, then you probably know the story. After the fourth season of the hit sitcom, Suzanne Somers refused to come back to work until she was paid the same as a male lead -- back then it was $30K per episode for the girls and $150K for the guys. That might explain why John Ritter froze her out. But what of Joyce DeWitt? Honey, Joyce wanted to keep her job! The two haven’t spoken in 30 years. Suzanne recently started a web series called "Breaking Through." Allegedly the reunion idea came from her "producer" -- which all web shows have, I’m sure. Somers says she wasn’t initially interested, but was convinced. And DeWitt? Well, what else does she have to do? Oh, except for five performances of Love Letters at the Sandhills Community College in Pinehurst, NC, last week where she appeared alongside Tab Hunter! Bottom line, she did the interview with Suzanne and it will debut online on Feb. 2 -- and I’m sure will turn up on BillyMasters.com shortly thereafter.