News » Politics

GOP Hotties

by Steve Weinstein
Thursday Aug 30, 2012

In honor of the GOP National Convention in Tampa, we here at EDGE do our part by saluting the party’s hotties. No, we don’t agree with their politics (excepting #8, Clint Eastwood). But we’re not talking about politics here. We’re talking about something much deeper and more important: superficial beauty.

In the immortal words of Lenny, a character in Mart Crowley’s classic play about gay dysfunction "The Boys in the Band," beauty may be "only skin deep. It’s transitory, too. It’s terribly transitory. Oh yes. It’s too bad about this poor boy’s face. It’s tragic. He’s absolutely cursed. How could his beauty ever compare with my soul? And although I’ve never seen my soul, I understand from my mother’s Rabbi that it’s a knock-out. I, however, cannot seem to locate it for a gander. And if I could, I’d sell it in a flash, for some skin-deep, transitory, meaningless beauty."

And besides, hate sex is the best sex. Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it!

Scott Brown

Rather than dodging his pin-up past, this former Cosmo centerfold embraced his soft-core history during his first run to replace Ted Kennedy. The freshman senator from Massachusetts need not have worried: he’s only gotten handsomer in the ensuing decades. Oh, daddy, I’ve been a bad liberal boy and need a good spanking!

Paul Ryan

Now that he’s become his party’s vice-presidential candidate, we all know this Wisconsin House rep with a heart of stone has a bod to match, thanks to his daily P90X routine.

Aaron Schock

Rumors have swirled about the sexual orientatin of this Illinois House rep, although, in the immortal words of actress Tallulah Bankhead, who when asked about Tab Hunter’s sexuality, replied, "He hasn’t sucked my cock!" - to which we can only reply, "Yet!"

Sarah Palin

The ex-Alaska governor who can see Russia from her window not only has X-ray eyes, but a body that has inspired a porno takeoff ("Nailin’ Pain") and pole-dancing imitators.

Adam Kinzinger

This Illinois House representative looked Tom Cruisable in his old Top Gun outfit when he flew missions to Afghanistan and Iraq. We’d like to see him drop a few bombs, and, while smoking that inevitable post-coital cigarette, sigh "mission accomplished."

Nikki Haley

The governor may be best known for sowing discord in South Carolina, but this 40 year old at least keeps her own body well in line.

Marco Rubio

The freshman Florida senator not only became the Grand Old Party’s Great Hispanic Hope when he beat Charlie Crist in the primary and then in a three-way (ummm!) general contest, but this cutie-pie Cuban-American also beat out the notorious closeted Republican-turned-Independent-turned-Democrat-but-perpetually-tanned in the looks department.

Clint Eastwood

The iconic film actor and director not only served as mayor of Carmel-by-the-Sea, Calif., but, as an outspoken proponent of gay marriage, he’s the one Republican on this list whose good looks are matched by a good heart (if mind, judging from that truly weird "speech" at the RNC convention).

Michele Bachmann

The "Crazy Eyes" representative from Minnesota may be terrifying in her partisanship, rancor and sheer stupidity (as well as her notoriously closeted husband, an expert in so-called "ex-gay" therapy), but she’s a total hot mess.

Michael Grimm

No, not the "America’s Got Talent Winner," but the only GOP member of New York City’s House delegation, this Brooklyn native served in the FBI and in the Marine Corps in Iraq, which is where he probably developed that bitchin’ bod.

Steve Weinstein has been a regular correspondent for the International Herald Tribune, the Advocate, the Village Voice and Out. He has been covering the AIDS crisis since the early '80s, when he began his career. He is the author of "The Q Guide to Fire Island" (Alyson, 2007).


  • Anonymous, 2012-08-30 12:49:14

    Well, Paul Ryan may have a P90X hot bod, but his face is a #86 double bagger.

  • Marc , 2012-08-30 17:20:33

    Young Mitt Romney looked like Super Man. And a couple of his sons have the same hunk-ola going on.

  • Anonymous, 2012-08-30 18:34:28

    The ugliness in their hearts more than balances any superficial. looks they may have for now.

  • Anonymous, 2012-08-30 18:41:41

    Oh, yeah, the "hijinks for perceived homos" man was hot & sexy as all get out in his day.

  • Marc , 2012-08-31 04:16:39

    You guys are comical with the Anti Republican haterade. Its as predictable as it is low IQ.

  • Anonymous, 2012-08-31 10:58:01

    Apparently, not as quick as you are with the insults about our I.Q. Somehow, I doubt the disdain for us compares to your self-loathing. Have another drink Sue-Ellen and get thee to a professional.

  • Anonymous, 2012-08-31 11:19:16

    I have never heard GOP and hottie in the same sentence before. Horror yes hottie NO!

  • JW Willner, 2012-08-31 16:41:45

    Hot and sweet on the outside; cold and bitter on the inside. A shocking treat!

  • Tone amado, 2012-08-31 19:28:23

    Paul Ryan is just a skinny guy with no ass. Not good advertisement for P90X. He’s just another hatefull religious nut.

  • Marc , 2012-09-01 03:03:40

    Oh Jed. I love the Sue Ellen line. I watched that show on TNT. You must know shes sober. I’m team John Ross.

  • Anonymous, 2012-09-01 03:03:46

    Hey Imbibe, I think the word you were attempting to spell was hatred. I would think that you would know that one by heart.

  • Marc , 2012-09-01 17:03:40

    This simple minded throwing around of the word is as tired as it is hollow. This business of gay men assigning their political identity to being some kind of victim class is a politics that works for you, I’m not interested.

  • Anonymous, 2012-09-01 21:59:10

    of course you are interested, if you really meant that you would not have 4 comments on this 1 story. Just for the record, I do care about this and the country as a whole.

  • Marc , 2012-09-04 05:27:12

    Throwing around the word hate is glib and tired. And, reading comprehension is clearly not your strong suit. To reiterate I am not interested in the politics of being a victim.

  • Anonymous, 2012-09-04 15:14:40

    ok, just for us remedial readers what is the word "haterade" supposed to be?

  • Anonymous, 2012-09-04 17:22:45

    I think it might be a special batch of Gatorade made for the Republican convention.

  • Marc , 2012-09-04 22:59:56

    An assignment of a tired word to the people who are using it.

  • Anonymous, 2012-09-07 04:19:44

    come on imbibe, you can do better than that.I have faith in your witt.

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